“Pixie dust is the stuff dreams are made of. It is belief in hopes and thoughts that are good, honorable, pure, and lovely. And it sprinkles down from Heaven like the mercies of God that rain upon us fresh and new each morning.”Jamie Glawson Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust Ch 1
2019 brought me to my half century mark. I turned fifty! I am not the least bit upset about it. I am proud, in fact. Fifty has brought adventures yet to be completely realized. It is a mark upon a journey not yet over. I’ve grown to have a deeper appreciation for older friendships and forged new relationships despite my introverted shyness. I have learned love for people is the heartbeat of God!
I am learning to stretch myself in ways I never thought I could. But most of all, I am learning I can achieve little alone. With my God I can do valiant things. And with the people of God, I can fly! God never meant for us to be alone. Two are better than one. I am thankful for the people in my life and this year has taught me just how great a cheerleader I have in my husband, family, and friends…some friends I didn’t even realize I had.
At fifty I wrote a book, started a blog, learned how to navigate the world of blog building, instagram sharing, twitter, and author sites. With the help of my editor, writing coach, and graphic artist, I learned the benefits of this miraculous thing called Google Docs and how to navigate this wonder. I had a book launch, several signings, and even talked to people I did not know! I joined a tech savvy praise team and am learning new software, and playing in flats for the first time in years. I saw my first grand baby grow into a beautiful, precocious, and fiery toddler. Her smile lights up the room and makes my heart leap with joy. My second grandchild was born. His eyes and sweet spirit warm me to the core and bring peace to my soul.
Time may be static for those of us who live in the world, but God lives outside of time and space. For Him, fifty is not too old to begin a new work, or to continue one He began years ago. He promises to complete the good work He began. So no matter our age, He continues to work in us.
It is man who has divided our days and separated our years. Our ancestors etched lines upon walls marking the passage of time. Great events have been recorded upon stone, papyrus, homemade paper, and ancient computers. Today, we ask Siri or Google to remind us of the things we have planned. We have apps providing news every moment we are awake and asleep. Our photos record our moments and are uploaded into a virtual cloud. Yet the truth is, reality blurs the days and blends the years
Many have reflected upon 2019 as though the year stands alone, but for me 2019 began long ago, in the heart of a five year old little girl who believed she could fly. The seed of belief was planted there by her Daddy God, though she did not even know it. Perhaps it began one summer evening before she was five at an old time tent revival in a South Louisiana field when cicadas sang as the people of God prayed while a little girl looked on in wonder. (You can read this story in my book Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust.). Pixie dust was sprinkled over my childhood dreams. I believed whatever I dreamed would come true. I could fly!
Over the years the little girl stopped believing. Broken hearts and wounded souls told me to hide like a little trapped bird in its cage. My hopes were dashed. Rather than soaring to new heights God imagined for me my dreams faded into the darkness of night like a falling star.
I began to make decisions from a place of fear rather than freedom. Over time darkness, depression, and anxiety fought to hold me captive. I had forgotten God wanted me to fly. I had forgotten I was not made to live in the darkness of cages. The door to freedom was open. I needed only step through.
The last few years has been a journey from fear into faith, with twists and turns, straightaways and layovers, rises and falls, and flights and crashes. It it a great adventure-this thing called life. I have learned a little light becomes a great light as you allow the Lord to heal your fractured places and restore your heart to His. Pixie Dust rained from heaven restoring my hopes and rebuilding my dreams. I came to believe as I did as a child. I am created to fly!
In 2018, with a spark in my heart and encouragement from friends and family I began to write. Although I had been writing since I was a child, I had no clear direction of why. Jesus tells us to ask and it will be given to us. So, at the advice of a precious mentor, in early 2019, I asked a simple question of Daddy God, one I had not thought to ask before, and was given an immediate answer. He is always faithful to speak to us if we position ourselves to hear His voice.
“Lord, what is it you want me to write?” It seemed every story I wrote was connected to spiritual matters. I even complained to God about it. “Lord, why can’t I just write simple stories? You, know, just fluff. No moral, no value. Just simple stories.”
I immediately heard the Holy Spirit speak to my spirit. “Out of the heart, the mouth speaks.”
Whatever is in your heart pours out of you. It’s just the nature of things. If life dwells in you, life will pour out! The enemy wants nothing more than to steal this life from you. You see, some of my earliest memories are of my Daddy God and of His Holy Spirit calling to me, drawing me. But some of my earliest memories are also of the enemy calling to me and trying to draw me from Him, my One True King and Lord of My Heart. This is why we must diligently guard our hearts.
The conversation continued. I held a pen in my hand and recorded the words stirring in my spirit. Words began to spill themselves upon the page.
The exchange went something like this:
Him: “Remember the scripture I gave you for this year?”
Me: “Yes, Proverbs 16:3 ‘Commit your works unto the Lord, and your thoughts will be established.’ So, God, what is it that You want me to commit?”
Him: “Trust me! Trust me with your undertakings and transactions. Trust I am leading you and guiding you. I go before you and prepare the way. Trust me, then practice and work. Trust me as the words form themselves upon the page. Trust me in the drafts and edits of writing and in the drafts and edits of life. Trust the process, and then trust me to hold it all in my hand— your husband, your children, your dishes, your laundry, and your dinner plans. Trust me. Roll it all over onto me, walk with me, and see as the purposes of your heart and your wildest imaginations—and even those things you kept yourself from imagining because of unbelief, fear, and lack of trust—are fashioned and formed and put into order. So, prepare yourself. Be faithful. Be firm. Be steadfast and resolute. Do the work.”
Dream with God!
That is what I heard.
We often allow the enemy to steal our dreams. I had been in a place without dreams for so long that when people would talk about their dreams and ask for mine, I would say I did not have any. I thought that dreaming was over for me. I felt a bit like Fantine in Les Misérables when she sang, “Life has killed the dream in me.” Oh, I faced nothing as dramatic as what she experienced, but the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. And little things can become just as skilled a thief as the big things.
As I prayed through this conversation with my Father, the Holy Spirit, and ever-faithful teacher, He reminded me of another conversation I had with Him less than two months before. I had been sitting in my favorite chair listening to Jason Upton. He began to sing “Fly.” I closed my eyes. In a vision I saw a finger, like that of E.T.’s, come toward me. The lighted finger touched my heart. Then I heard, “I am touching the places in you that you have allowed to die, the ones you’ve hidden away. I am lifting the veil and restoring the prophetic in you. That thing you have hidden away is not yours to hide. You were meant to fly, little one. Do not allow silly distractions to keep you grounded. For what is a little light becomes a great light when you allow the Lord to heal your wounded places and restore you to Him.”
I hope that word prophetic doesn’t scare you. It used to scare me, and maybe it still does a little bit. But I believe the role of a prophetic person is to speak truth and life. This is why I desire to write words that will lead others to truth, perfect love, power, and a sound mind. I pray you will take hold of freedom—freedom from the lies the enemy uses to keep you bound in fear, anxiety, depression, confusion, doubt, and double mindedness. I have been in that prison before, and I don’t want anyone else to live there!
So many of us make decisions based on fear and hurt. When we begin to make decisions based on God’s truth, love, and power, we begin to walk in healing. It is the Father’s desire for us to be made whole and completely restored.
When God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden, I believe they began to dream with God. But the enemy attacked. He won that one significant battle, tearing a rip in the fabric of the design. But Daddy God, in His love and with hope, reaches out to us to restore us to Himself. He repairs and restores the fabric of our heart, and though the history of the tear remains, the purity of the restoration is brighter than ever before; for in our wholeness we can bring others into wholeness.
When I was young, I believed I could fly. I was a defender of others. But as I grew older, I began to build some walls. I stacked the brick and laid the mortar with my own hands. I held pieces of myself back: from others, from my hopes, and from my dreams. I hope that in my writing I will share myself, my story of healing that has happened and the healing that is yet to come. 2019 was not the beginning of my journey and it will not be the end. 2020 awaits! I feel a little bit like Bilbo Baggins as he dashed across the hills proclaiming, “I am going on an adventure!”