The Great Pretender

But God’s Amazing Grace has made me who I am! And His grace to me was not fruitless.

I Corinthians 15:10a TPT

Monday hit me in the face like a ton of bricks hurling through unrelenting gale force winds.  It tossed debris my way in rapid succession as if in anger.  I set my face like a flint, pressed on and refused to retreat.  I moved forward step by step and prevailed above the storm.  At some point, in the tempest of emails, phone calls, emergency situations, failed passwords and failed plans, there was a lesson.

I was working diligently returning voice messages while attempting to get into a secure website I appeared to have locked myself out of.  I contacted the administrator of said site, was tackling my to do list, and meeting with my scheduled appointments for the morning, all as co-workers came to me to notify me of situations, ask questions, and express concerns they had for the day.  I took some deep breaths and dealt with each situation knowing that it was my responsibility and remembering that I did indeed love my job.

Amid the Monday rush, a friend messaged me for some advice.  In truth, I do not even recall his question, but I do remember that I felt out of my depth and honestly did not have the time to stop at that moment.  So, my first instinct was to advise him to seek godly counsel. I had in fact typed “Seek Godly Counsel” into the message box. 

Before I clicked send, I heard, a bit sarcastically I might add, “Uh, Jamie, that’s what he’s doing.”  I could hear the eye roll in the voice.  You see, most times the Spirit speaks to you in ways you understand, ways that fit your personality.  Sarcasm makes points with me, so Light dawned and it hit me, even more solidly than the hurling bricks of the morning.

“Oh! You mean I’m that Godly counsel?!”  I was skeptical.

So, I prayed, listened and responded.  It took only minutes.  The Godly response is always to think about how to bless others, love others, and build up people to have confidence in their own ability, all for the sake of the Kingdom.  In other words, “Don’t be selfish.”

However, bit by bit, I’d stopped thinking of myself as someone who imparts wisdom or is sought out for Godly counsel. I had allowed the enemy to steal the voice God gave me.  When I really thought about it, I had felt like a great pretender for years!  I had been leading worship for twenty years but when someone asked how I led worship and played the keyboard at the same time I would respond by saying, “Oh, I’m just pretending to know what I’m doing.”  I never felt adequate to do the job God had called me to.

I have often felt the same the last year as I tackled writing a book.  To say the words, “I am a writer” sounded foreign to my ears.  So, when I tell people I am a writer or when I write the word “author” in my bio it still feels a bit odd.  

Did you know that Imposter Syndrome is a real thing?  Low self-esteem and perfectionism cause people to fear they are frauds.  They focus on their inadequacies and ignore their strengths.  I’ve been there.  Yet, in doing so, I neglected the body and thought only of myself.  I say, “No more.”  

You see, I am His beloved and He is mine; just as you are his beloved.  Remember that if you have decided to follow Jesus that the same Spirit that dwells in Christ now lives in you!  So, don’t believe the LIE that you have no part and no voice in the Kingdom.  Love others, not from your own strength, but from your place in Jesus.  And trust that you are equipped and able because He has made you so.

“Now may the God who brought us peace by raising from the dead our Lord Jesus Christ so that he would be the Great Shepherd of his flock; and by the power of the blood of the eternal covenant. May he work perfection into every part of you giving you all that you need to fulfill your destiny. And may he express through you all that is excellent and pleasing to him through your life-union with Jesus the Anointed One who is to receive all glory forever! Amen! “ Hebrews 13:21-23 TPT

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