Once, when I was a young teen I had a headache which lasted for three days. I told my mother it was like New York City was driving around in my head. The cars blasted their horns, angry voices shouted and screamed at one another, loud music, sirens, and other sounds I could not identify blared within my mind.
After three days with my eyes closed and steering clear of as much noise and light as possible, the pain dissipated and eventually disappeared altogether. But the activity never really did. On the outside I looked sedate, cool as a cucumber. But the pathways in my brain were as busy as the city streets, jumping from one thought to another.
Often family told me I lived in my own little world. I could escape the reality around me while living inside my mind. When I chose, I heard nothing outside myself. I read often-many times lying in my walk-in closet, door closed to my family and to the world. The characters lived inside my mind for a while and the noise was drowned out by their lives.
My mind never seemed to just chill,so I made it chill in front of a book or Netflix. I described this brain activity to a family member as all the voices Superman heard. Together, we remembered that his Mother told him to focus on the one. Focus on the one voice. This I did. I had done it, for as long as I could remember. I listened to my Father’s voice. THE Father’s voice.
When I failed to do so, rest was far from me and my mind once again became a place of busy city streets, chaotic noise. But Father called to me from His place of waiting. He never stopped calling my name.
For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”
Isaiah 30:15
And so, the journey home was not chaotic or noisy, but full of purpose and hope. The Lord has called me now, in this moment, to a place of returning, to a place of rest. He sat me down and told me to be quiet. And I am learning trust and reliance once more-a quiet confidence.
Sometimes, still, the noise of doubt or fear or control will rear its head; I become overwhelmed or fight the desire to pull back and like Adam and Eve, instead of hiding IN HIM, find somewhere or something else in which to hide. But then I hear the voice of Father calling to me. Breathe. He gently reminds me, just as my daughter-in-law reminds my grandson, “Smell the flower. Blow out the Candle.”
I like to think that rather than actually blowing out the candle I am instead fanning into flame the gift of God within me. (2 Timothy 1:6). I still my mind, my will, my emotions and focus on the Spirit within me. I rest. My rest is found in nothing else, no one else. My rest is in HIM.
This is the place strength is built. This is the place my defensive armor is created and the weapons of warfare are forged against the enemy. This is the place my mind is shielded by His salvation. His strength becomes my shield. His righteousness my breastplate. His truth encompasses me. His peace leads me along my journey and provides sure footing. It is the place where I can pick up my sword and fight. It is here, IN HIM, the battle is won before it ever begins.
The Inkwell Collections 